Addiction

The train slowly glided along the tracks, rocking slightly back and forth.   I sat immobile on one of the benches, staring out of the window in front of me.  My eyes were hardly able to focus on the buildings passing by in front of me, as my heart was beating as though it was attempting to jump out of my chest.

I attempted to remain as still as possible, but after several seconds, I finally looked slightly to my left.  The sight I saw made my heart jump into my throat.

There she was…the most beautiful girl I’d ever met… leaning against my side, fast asleep.  

I felt my heart do a somersault in my chest.  I tried to swallow, but found that my mouth had become exceptionally dry.  This feeling was so new to me.  Something I’d never felt before, but I found myself craving more and more.  

I sought her out every chance I could.  Like a moth to a flame, I gravitated towards her.  Many times, I caught myself staring at her during class or in the hallways.  And for every second I spent near her, I wanted more…more time, more contact, more talking, more laughing, more her

She was becoming…my addiction.  And a serious one.   It had gotten so bad that whenever I was in a room without her, I felt myself missing her presence.

But right now…this moment…it was an addict’s dream.  And I was drowning in it.  Falling deeper and deeper…in love. 

Love…I turned the word over several times in my head.  Honestly, I’d never really put much thought into love before.  I’d always figured that I was too young to grasp the real meaning of love.  But as I looked at the girl resting against my shoulder, I am positive that I love her, fully and unconditionally.

I smiled.  There, I finally admitted it.  The first step is always admission, of course.

I love you, I directed towards her, thinking that maybe she would be able to hear my thoughts.  I love your passion.  I love your dedication.  I love the beautiful person that you are.  Even your flaws are beautiful to me…

Suddenly, she stirred.  I froze, holding my breath as my perfect moment teetered on the edge of shattering.  She clumsily resituated, cuddling closer into my side, and let out a soft sigh.  I waited, still as a statue, until I realized that I was still holding my breath and quickly running out of air.  Reassured that she was going to remain asleep, I slowly exhaled.

Finally breathing again, I caught a whiff of her shampoo.  I leaned a little closer for a better smell, the tip of my nose barely brushing her hair.  Peaches…my new favorite smell. 

I heard myself sigh in content.  In this moment, I could be as close to her as I’d dreamed of being.  I could smell her hair, I could feel the warmth of her body against mine, I could feel her silky smooth skin against my arm.  I was on sensory overload, but still wanted more.

I suddenly realized that the train was quickly approaching our stop.  I quickly debated whether or not I wake her up or just continue to ride the train like this until we reached the end of the line.  I so badly wanted to hold on to this moment for as long as possible, because when she woke up things would go back to normal.  I felt my heart clench painfully at the thought.  Would she always be one painful arm’s length away?

As the train slowed for our exit, reason got the better of me as I gently nudged her awake.  As her beautiful eyes met mine, I felt my heart melt.  Still blinking groggily from sleep, she slowly sat up and stretched her arms above her head before saying, “Are we there yet?” 

I tried to hide my disappointment at the absence of her warmth against my side as I replied, “Yes, we should hurry off now.” 

As we both exited the train, I gloomily welcomed myself back to the real world.  The world where I could only love her from afar. 

Walking side by side, she turned towards me.  “Sorry, for falling asleep on you.  I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable,” she said with a small apologetic smile.

I felt another sharp pain in my chest.

“It wasn’t uncomfortable at all,” I began.  She raised an eyebrow at me before she said, “Really?”

I took a deep, shaky breath before answering her.  “No, it wasn’t uncomfortable.  In fact, it was…nice.”  I smiled to myself, remembering the feeling of her by my side.

She looked at me curiously, trying to figure out if I was trying to make a joke or not.  I gave her what I hoped was a sincere expression in return.  Seeing this, she broke into the most radiant smile I’d ever seen on her face.  My heart broke into thousands of tiny butterflies, which immediately began flying around my chest.  All I could do was smile back at her as she gently took my hand and gave it a tug so that we could continue walking.

Suddenly, it hit me.  I was never going to recover from my addiction to her.  If anything, it was only going to get worse.  My dependency on her would only grow with each passing moment I spent with her, until being separated from her would become intolerable.

But maybe…I thought as I looked down at her hand clasped tightly in mine…maybe recovery was never the answer. 

“Hey…” I began slowly, “Can I talk to you about something important?”

 **First, sorry for my long absence.  Work has been crazy busy.  I’ve actually had this story on my computer for awhile and never got around to editing it.  I hope that you like it.  I tried to write it so that it was unclear whose perspective it was from and who they were talking about: Mei, Yuzu, or Harumin.  I’m not sure how well I succeeded at this, but I thought it would be interesting to see who you put into each position.  Message me if you’d like to know who I imagine each character to be!